i have a braincloud and my shirt smells like smoke.

i have a braincloud and my shirt smells like smoke. i'd thought i washed it since i quit, 11 days ago, after 14 years... my longest relationship. but no. smokesmell in your clothes is weird- it's like some time release thing. at first the shirt smelled absolutley normal. but as the day progresses, the smokesmell is getting worse. and worse. and it's not exactly like you can get away from your own shirt if you're at work. i'm trapped in it. drowning in it. smothered by it; it claws its way into my brain and punches it in the face.

oh yeah, the braincloud. it's not actually related to the smoke or lack thereof- it's an independent phenomenon. it clouds my thinking. i suspect the effect is similar to being a zombie, except without the infinite gaping chasm of hunger to consume the fleshes of humanity. it's like if you ask somebody what's really on their mind and they reply "nothing," and mean it literally. it's how i got through high school. you may laugh, but i'm serious. i probably wouldn't have made it without my cozy little personal coma. you see, when you are young and naive and inexperienced in life, the big giant world is a scary place. my braincloud served me well, insulating me from the horrors and violations of a public school education. but as i got older, it became a lot harder to clear the fog. and as a result, anytime i suffer a mental trauma, here comes a howling snowstorm into my skull, blotting out the sunlight. tough day at work. no money. car breaks down. $1,500.00 of dental work. ...breakups. but only a real heartbreaker. i'm currently experiencing a cloud of truly heretofore unknown proportions, really it's a bit scary.

one thing i've found in breakups is that you often may contract "other side of the fence" syndrome. but if you really think about it and remember the truth of the situation you can usually find some kind of evidence trail leading right up to the inevitable present. kind of like csi for your brain. it dosen't really make it better, but it's something to do anyway. and keeping busy is what matters. i had more to say, but my breif burst of clarity is now consumed again in the braincloud.