bile and vitriol

hello, and welcome to the dirty truth; the real me. the ugliness beneath the facade. don't get me wrong, i try to be decent person. but everyone has their limits, and i smacked headfirst into mine tonight. first off, you are not subtle when you are drunk. no one is. you think you are, but you're not. so when you are making plans to humor me and "save" my feelings by whispering your plans to your friend to: hang out with me for a few minutes (and only because you fucked up and called me to hang out) and then sneak off and hook up with the dudes you want to fuck after i'm safely away, and you do it right in front of my face, just be aware that I might still fucking be able to hear you. and when those dudes are the default drunk girl "i wanna fuck him soooo bad" guys, it is below sleazy and on to dangerously poor decision making. not to mention stomach-turning. do you think you are special? the only thing I don't know for sure is which one of the pair, but it really doesn't make that big of a difference- I suspect, to me or you. everyone in town has been there. mark my words. everyone has fucked them both. you are just tonight's special treat! hooray for you! you skanky bitch. oh, don't get me wrong, he will happily poke you as long as there isn't someone hotter on tap for the night. or maybe he still would, but only after. the true tragedy is that i think you know all this, and that fills me with such a dark and horrible sadness that I'm not sure if anything is worth living for. i will confess to the sin of jealousy. but there is good in me; and i honestly do want you to have the best. i will admit that maybe i am not the right choice for you. but for you to go all weak at the knees for c jhnsn (names slightly abbreviated to protect the guilty) but then act like for me to touch you innocently on the back is an excruciatingly painful torture, you can go get fucked. i have gone well and beyond the call of friendship with you, and you fucking know it. and i did of my own choice, because we had something more for a time, and it meant something to me- not because i had expectations. but too much is fucking too much. apparently i'm a fucking dolt. good luck with the local cocks, hey, maybe your new nickname can be "doorknob"- cause anyone apprently gets a turn. anyone but the one fucking guy in town that has proven he gives a shit about you. hope you have a great night of fucking. hey, I guess it's not all bad- maybe you'll give him your herpes!